If you know me personally, one of the first things you may have noticed is that I have a very positive outlook on life. I lean towards the “the world is my friend” mentality at the same time, I MAY come across as naïve (the people that know me may say otherwise). Part of my “wonderful” womanly personality trait is that I like attention. Not in a bad way and not too much but a little more than the average woman….. I value a persons time and I think the best gift a friend can give me is the gift of quality time.
Anyway in all of my perkiness and happiness and the world is a wonderful-place-to-live-in-ness, I found out from one of my guy friends yesterday from conversation that guys don’t like being asked “what are you thinking?”. Now I know that I am definitely guilty of asking this question but I guess I was just really shocked that it could be a “red flag” question. I understand the phone conversations with the “Where are you? Why didn’t you call me? What are you doing?” rantings and how those are annoying but the “what are you thinking”?
Let me paint this picture for you
Guy meets girl, guy likes girl, girl likes guy, So one evening, girl and guy are chilling, sitting close talking and trying to learn about each other , so they share those cute stories and jokes and answer those I-want-to-get-to-know-you-situational questions (What is your favorite blah blah blah? and what do you do when blah blah blah?). The evening is going on well, they’ve shared a few laughs and then things get quiet for 30 second and then she asks, “What are you thinking?” That of course is a good question? It has to be right? Right?
I decide to ask a couple of my guy friends and they disagree. A couple answers that I got
1A. The guy tries to figure out what the girl thinks is a possible correct answer, he uses his guess and says something, if he says something wrong, she gets mad and the whole evening is ruined. 1B. The guy gets the answer “right” and then she starts prodding on with more and more questions about the topic, something guys are not so excited about. So this is a lose-lose situation for the guy
2. What if the guy was thinking somewhat in a sensual/sexual context and he just met the girl, he, depending on the phase of life that he is in, (looking for something serious or just thinking about chilling and having a good time) does not want to let her know his thoughts, then he says “nothing” and its obvious he is lying so again the evening is somewhat tainted
My summary is this; I’ve always thought it was a good positive question because both parties are having a good time… This is the way I see it, the evening is perfect or somewhat close to it, For me knowing what the other person is thinking is a part of the whole experience of holding hands, feeling the persons heart beat, being close to that person at that moment in time and connecting at that one time with that person. Now that I know it is a “red flag” question, I don’t know… I guess this will now make a good I-want-to-get-to-know-you-situational question. By this I don’t mean ask the guy what he is thinking instead, ask him “do you think that what are you thinking is a red flag question?”. If he says no, then feel free to ask him “so what are you thinking?”. If he says yes it’s a red flag question then … well….. you have to ignore that part of the connecting with the guy…
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I don't particularly agree that the below is a red flag question. First, you have to make an assessment of the type of person the guy is. Everyone is quite different and I doubt that you would expect everyone to feel that way. I have found myself in situations where other guys asked me the "what are you thinking question." It is a very normal question. I think if you have to weigh what you say to a guy then he is not meant for you. Now if you ask the question and the guy says something about it, then you know what type of person he is.
Would you really want to be in a situation where you cannot ask your friend, boyfriend, fiance, husband "what are you thinking?"
Pause.
I think not.
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